Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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