Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
