Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
