just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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