Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
