I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't deserve a penis
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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