Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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