My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
