I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
