um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
