I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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