Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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