My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
