I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
