I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
