Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
