Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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