I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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