So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
