Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
