We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
