sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
