The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
