they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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