It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
