It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
