I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
