he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
