The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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