I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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