Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize