Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
