did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
