So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
