Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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