The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
