Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Two words: nipple clamps
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