I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
