does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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