Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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