i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
