I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
