I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
