im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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