I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
