Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
