You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
