So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
