It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
