i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
