this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
