I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude i'm inner monologue high
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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