I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize