its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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