dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
