Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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