I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
