I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
