So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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