you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
