If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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