if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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