my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
