I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
