I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
