The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
