love makes seman taste better
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
