You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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