someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
