So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
