So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
