I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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