whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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