i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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