Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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